I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
