Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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