Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
