While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
