forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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