you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
