It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
