My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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