Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
