Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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