No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
