i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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