Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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