Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
