dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize