i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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