Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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