Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
