Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
