my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
