My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
