You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
