He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I fill condoms, not promises.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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