i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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