I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
