She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
