I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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