We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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