We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
