watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
