When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
