The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
