Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
