why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
