apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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