do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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