So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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