Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
