Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
