it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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