I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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