Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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