you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
