Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
