So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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