i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
