You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
