i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Soap is not a condiment
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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