Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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