I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
