you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
