Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
