Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize