did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
