My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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