Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize