Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
