I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
