She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
