If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
