i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
