three words: i give head
three words: not that well
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
