Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
