Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
