All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize