I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
no, he came in my armpit
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
