Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
