I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Randomize
