Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think people are normalizing furries
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
