Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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