i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
