My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
