I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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