He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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