and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
