You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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