She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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