Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
