Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
