So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
