He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He shit in the fireplace
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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