I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
