i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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