remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
