U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
