I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
