We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
