I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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