Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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